大成兄此篇写得特别好，对中外文化的区别分析透视，条理清晰文章简洁。佩服。

其中有些中外矛盾只适用个案，不是普遍都这样。有的矛盾是和中国人结婚也有的。

有的矛盾是程度轻重的问题。

中国人同中国人的婚姻矛盾要是也给你写出来的话，会有另外一大套截然不同的问题。比如往老家寄钱太多闹意见，生女儿要受轻视，老公天天打通宵麻将不回来睡觉，经济不宽裕老婆照样打肿脸充胖子买了路易威登包。

中国美女的跨国婚姻

            Part II      Challenges faced by Chinese beauties

                                     二: 中国美女所面临的挑战

 

Challenge IV

挑战四

“My darling, look! I have cooked some delicacies for you: pig’s ear cooked with five spice, pig’s feet braised in soy sauce, bean curd in spicy sauce and preserved eggs!” The beauty announces her invitation, obviously proud of herself. “Thank you, my love. They look nice and appetising! But I don’t have an appetite today. I haven’t got an appetite.” he declines. “Would you mind bringing me my rare beef and my smelly cheese?” 

“亲爱的，你看，我为你准备了美味佳肴：卤猪耳朵、红烧猪蹄、麻婆豆腐，外加松花蛋.”她得意洋洋地发出邀请。“谢谢，我的爱，您做的菜又香又好看！但我没胃口. ” 他婉言谢绝。 “不过，能把那带血的牛排和那香气熏天的奶酪端给我吗？”

“Hi! My Zorro, please have a shower before going to bed! You are more charming than the sturdy German footballers in the World Cup, but you are as smelly as they are!” she shows him a yellow card.  “No, my princess, please understand me, I am used to having my shower in the morning, not in the evening.  By the way, please hand me my favourite perfume Strong Man. I want to spray myself!” and he ignores her request.

“嘿，我的左罗，上床前冲个澡好吧! 你比世界杯足球赛中的德国队队员还帅，但你和他们一样臭气熏天！”，她忍不住发出黄牌警告。“不，我的公主，理解万岁！我习惯于早晨洗澡。麻烦你顺便把大力士香水递给我！我想上床前喷香水”，他不愿买账。

A leopard can’t change its spots. Can a zebra change its stripes? Different eating and living habits are another source of family conflict.  

江山难改，本性难移。难道能把斑马身上的条纹换掉吗？不同的饮食和起居习惯是家庭紧张的又一个源泉。

Challenge V

挑战五

“My darling, the Chinese New Year is drawing near. I am thinking about sending some money to my parents. You know, I would like to show my filial love to them,” the beauty says to her husband. “What? Send money to your parents?  I have never sent any money to mine. Why should we send money? Sorry, I don’t agree!”  His categorical and negative answer makes her ill. Married to a Westerner, she is presumed to be rich in the eyes of her family in China, but now she cannot even send a single penny to her parents so far away! She felt guilty towards them and angry at her “selfish” husband.  

“亲爱的, 中国新年快到了, 我想给父母寄点钱,表示一下我们的孝心.” 在家当太太的美女提醒丈夫. “什么? 寄钱给你父母? 我从来就没有给我自己父母寄过钱.为什么要给他们寄钱! 我不同意.” 他旗帜鲜明的否定回答让美女十分难过.在国内亲戚朋友的眼里,她嫁了个老外,自然被认为腰缠万贯,殊不知她现在连一分钱都不能寄给远方的父母.她对父母感到很内疚,对自私的丈夫很气愤. 

Another conflict. Is this her husband’s fault? Not entirely. It occurred not only due to a misunderstanding between different cultures, but also due to different social security systems. Firstly, in a Western cultural environment based mainly on individualism, it is normal that a person thinks of himself first before his parents. On the contrary, in the Asian cultural environment rooted in collectivism, if somebody ignores his parents, he is automatically considered as a black sheep, scorned by the whole community. As a good child, he is obliged to show his filial love through gifts on the occasion of festivals or other special days. The obligation becomes stronger if he has financial means.  Secondly, Western society possesses a mature security system, which provides a guaranteed income for the elderly, therefore the old parents live off  the social security system rather than  off  their children. On the contrary, in China, particularly in the countryside, as the security system is fragile or even non-existent, some old parents have no other alternative but to depend upon their children. Therefore, showing filial devotion is not only a virtue, but also a social obligation. A child is required to show filial devotion through different means, such as giving presents or money on special occasions, or fully supporting his old parents. Consequently, as far as the notion of filial support is concerned, the attitudes of an Asian child and a Western child are totally different.

第四个冲突发生了.难道是洋丈夫的过错? 也许不全是. 此冲突不仅产生于东西方文化的不同,而且产生于社会保险制度的不同.首先, 在以个人主义为基础的西方文化氛围中,先考虑自己后考虑父母是理所当然的事.相反在以集体主义为基础的亚洲文化环境中,如果一位东方人无视父母的存在,那么他往往就会被认为忤孽不孝,并因此受到社会的谴责.作为好儿女,他有义务在节假日或者某一特殊时刻通过赠送礼物等向父母行孝.如果他经济宽裕,那么行孝的义务就更大.再者,西方社会拥有一个成熟的社会保险体系,这个体系为老年人提供了基本的生活保障,所以西方人晚年靠社会而不是靠儿女.相反,在中国,特别是在广大的农村,社会保险体系十分脆弱,甚至根本就不存在.养儿防老仍然具有现实意义.所以儿女对父母敬孝不仅是一种美德,而且是一种责任.他们被要求通过不同的方式行孝,要么在特殊时刻赠送礼物钱财,要么直接瞻养父母.可见在对父母敬孝这一点上,东西方人的态度会截然不同.

Challenge VI

挑战六

“My darling, I’m fed up being a princess in your castle, I need to work. I’d like to be useful to society!”she complains. “Yes, my princess, I love you and you are my whole world! Please stay at home. Anyway if you really don’t want to stay at home, you can look for a job yourself!” he ignores her plea.

                           

“亲爱的，天天待在你的城堡里当公主我厌烦透了，我需要工作。我想对社会有益！”她抱怨道。“你说得对，我的公主，我爱你，你是我的全部世界！请继续待在家里好吗？如果你非要出去，那就自己找工作吧！”，他毫不理会她的请求。

Many Chinese beauties are university graduates and have a relatively high social position in China. They used to work in government organisations, research academies, universities, hospitals and were admired by the Chinese population. As soon as they arrive in the Western world, they often become  little more that an ornament for their white knights. If their husbands are rich, these lucky beauties may stay at home to enjoy a comfortable materialistic life. However after a few years, they feel uneasy;  they have lost their high social position in China and they cannot find the same one in the Western world. Some of them might find jobs, but these are rarely as prestigious as those in China. But if their husbands are not rich, which is often the case, they struggle along together. As foreigners without appropriate education, they might pick up temporary work that the local people disdain.  What a social fall! The glorious past is long gone. They live on the happy memories of the past. Feelings of resentment and unfairness arise. These ill feelings are a major source of tension in marriage.

不少中国美人都具有高文凭，并在中国社会享有较高的社会地位。她们通常在政府机关、科研机构、大学、医院等单位工作，并受人尊重。一旦降临西方世界，她们大都变成了白马骑士身边的漂亮摆设。如果其丈夫腰缠万贯，那么这部分幸运的美女就可以待在家里享受舒适的物质生活。但在饱食终日无所事事几年以后，她们大都会感到心灵空虚，因为她们失去了昔日的社会地位，并且也很难在西方找到同样受人尊敬的地位。一部分人也许能够找到工作, 但找到的工作很少会象在中国那样让人羡慕.但如果其丈夫并不富裕(大多数情况如此),那么她们就不得不与其一道为生存而斗争。作为外国人并且又没有受过适当的教育，那么她们往往只能找到一些本地人瞧不起的临时工作。多么伤心的跌落！过去的光荣史一去不返，她们只好生活在昔日的幸福回忆中。因此，怨恨、不公等消极情绪就会应运而生,而这些消极心理因素往往构成婚姻关系紧张的主要源泉。

At first glance, exotic love and cross-border marriages seem as beautiful as a fairytale, but are often based on romantic imagination, in other words, on a foundation of sand. Cultural differences, different tastes, different backgrounds and habits, all these factors resemble strong waves, ready to wash the foundation of sand away as soon as the weather becomes stormy. One day, sooner or later, you might realise sadly that romantic exotic love and cross-border marriage are like mirages, beautiful, but short-lived.  If you were a thirsty traveller lost in the desert of love, you might easily be misled by any mirage on the Western horizon, but if you looked around carefully and closely, you might find that, not far from you, inside your own borders, there are green oases.  French food is the most prestigious in the world. The first time you eat it, you certainly find it delicious. The twentieth time however, you begin to find it tedious and unbearable.  If your Chinese stomach is strong enough to bear the French delicacy, if your heart is strong enough to bear the side effects of the exotic love, don’t hesitate to go ahead, but always be aware of the above challenges ahead. So, before you fly sky-high and before all the Chinese white knights are confirmed as old bachelors, take a last look. They may not be able to provide you with an exotic dream, but at least they will not let you fall from the heavens. Best wishes to our Chinese beauties departing to conquer Western kingdoms.

乍一看来, 异国恋和跨国婚姻象童话般地美好，但它往往根植于浪漫的想象或沙丘。不同的文化，不同的爱好，不同的生活背景和习惯等诸多因素犹如波浪，一旦天气恶化就可能汹涌澎湃, 把沙丘冲得无踪无影。有一天, 或早或晚,你可能会意识到,浪漫的异国恋和跨国婚姻就象一幢海市蜃楼，美丽却稍纵即逝；如果你是一位迷失在爱的沙漠里的饥渴的孤行者,你可能很容易受到西边天际下海市蜃楼的诱惑而迷失方向。但如果你仔细就近瞧瞧，就不难发现，在不远的地方，在国界内，有一片绿洲正在向你悄然微笑。法国大餐遐尔闻名; 你享用一次，肯定会感觉其美味无穷; 但如果你连续享用二十次，就可能会感觉其单调乏味并难以下咽.如果你的中国胃强壮得足以消化法国大餐, 如果你的心坚强得足以承受异国恋和跨国婚姻的副作用，那么就请勇往直前,但别忘了前面提到的各种挑战。不过，在你展翅高飞之前，在你身边的土骑士沦落为老光棍之前，请你最后望他一眼。诚然他不可能为你圆一个美丽的异国梦，但是他至少不会让你从天上陨落地面。向所有雄心勃勃正准备征服西部王国的中国美人致以最良好的祝愿。

All this being said there is nothing fundamentally wrong with cross-border marriage in this era of globalisation. Asian beauties are entitled to be courted by handsome princes of any nationality.  The cross-border marriage can be successful, provided that the partners accept each other’s culture and are prepared to compromise on their differences, a fact proved by many mixed couples and further confirmed by SAN Mao’s love story with her Spanish husband.

但是在这个世界趋于一体化的时代，跨国婚姻本身并无可非厚。中国美人有权受到任何国籍的白马王子的追求. 如果夫妻双方能够接受对方的文化并容纳对方的不同, 那么跨国婚姻同样可以成功; 这一点已经被众多的跨国婚姻家庭所证实, 也进一步被三毛和她的西版牙丈夫的爱情故事所证实。

In all this, I have emphasized, perhaps, even overemphasized, all the potential difficulties in cross-border marriages. But there is also a very positive side and I look forward to writing about this in the near future.

在上面的故事和对故事的分析中,我强调了, 也许过分强调了跨国婚姻中的潜在困难. 但是跨国婚姻同样也具有非常积极的一面.我盼望着在不久的将来把这一面付诸笔头.

                                                                                                                                                 

 

 

中国美女的跨国婚姻

            Part II      Challenges faced by Chinese beauties

                                     二: 中国美女所面临的挑战

Challenge I

挑战一

With emotion a Chinese beauty says to her white knight:  “My darling, now that we are married, we are a family. From now on you share everything with me, not only your bed, but also your car, your house as well as your belongings.  Of course I too will also share everything with you: my beauty, my affection, my tenderness and naturally my household work”. “I am sorry, my darling, you can certainly share my family name, my bed, but not my car and definitely not my house, they are my own property. It is strictly forbidden to encroach on personal properties here! Of course I will not encroach on your household rights. ” he explains patiently and without any guilt.

“亲爱的，我们现在结婚了，那么就算一家。从现在起，你应该和我分享一切，不仅仅是你的床，而且包括你的汽车和房子。当然，我也乐意与你分享一切: 我的美、我的爱、我的温柔，当然也包括家务事！”她含情默默地说。“对不起，我的小甜心，你可以分享我的名字、我的床，但不能享有我的车，更不能享有我的房产。那是我的私有财产. 在这里私有财产神圣不可侵犯！当然，我也不会侵犯你的家务管理权”，他耐心而又坦然地解释道。

The first conflict arises. Why? Asian culture is based on collectivism, in other words, on solidarity within the family, friends and community. Consequently one family member can rely on others and vice versa. To a certain extent your belongings are mine and mine are yours, because we belong to the same family. Asian people tend to be interdependent and supportive. On the contrary, the Western culture is rooted in individualism. Therefore, private belongings belong to oneself, not to anybody else. Westerners tend to be independent and egocentric. When an Asian beauty marries a Westerner, she reasons  in the same manner as before. The pre-nuptial agreement, which specifies what each partner in a marriage owns and how belongings would be separated if there is a divorce, is shocking for Asian beauties, but has become more acceptable, if not normal for Westerners. Even though this kind of agreement is reluctantly swallowed by some Asian beauties, it starts to sow seeds of discord in the family life from the very beginning.

第一个冲突发生了。为什么？亚州文化往往以集体主义精神为基础，换言之，以家庭、朋友、小团体的互助互利为基础。所以，一位家庭成员通常可以依赖于其他成员，在某种程度上，你的财产就是我的财产，反之亦然，因为大家同属一家。 亚洲人更倾向与相互依靠,相互支持. 相反，西方文化往往以个人主义为根基，个人财产属己性更强.西方人也更倾向于独立和自我。亚洲美人一旦与欧洲男士结婚,她往往仍然以从前的思维方式去推理.结婚前的财产分立契约对西方人来说如果不是顺理成章，但至少为越来越多的人所接受,但对亚州美女来说就简直是晴天霹雳。即使亚洲美女最后勉强同意签署财产分立契约并结婚,但此婚从一开始就已经埋下了家庭矛盾的种子。

Challenge II

挑战二

“My dear, I am a stranger here; I would like to meet other people and make friends. I need  friends. Please allow me to take part in as much social activity as possible outside our marriage. I enjoy having a social life.” she implores. “Sorry, honey, please don’t get too close to others.  Let’s retreat to the mountains for a winter sky holiday on our own and let’s lie down on the beach to sunbathe during the summer holidays.” he replies politely but implacably.

“亲爱的，我人生地不熟，我想出去见见其他人并接交几个朋友。我需要朋友.请允许我在家庭生活外多参加一些社交活动好吗？我喜欢有一定的社交生活.”她恳求道。“对不起，我的小心肝，请别太靠近他人。让我们俩冬假里躲进山里滑雪，夏假里躺到沙滩上晒太阳”，他很礼貌但不容商量地回答道。

A second conflict thus arises, certainly due to the same confrontation between Asian collectivism and Western individualism. Asians are fond of collective activities while Westerners enjoy individual activities and are inclined to protect their privacy. “Outside one relies on friends, inside one relies on parents”, this old Chinese saying represents perfectly the beauty’s thought. In contrast, “Those who live in privacy live the best life”, “If you want to keep your friend green, let a hedge grow up between”, his reply is reflected in these sayings.

第二个冲突发生了，同样也始于亚州文化和西方文化的不同。亚州人乐于团体活动，而西方人更乐于个人活动并注重自己的隐私。“在家靠父母，出门靠朋友”这句中国老话正好反映出中国美人的想法。相反，“谁把自己藏得好，谁就生活得好.”“朋友间插篱笆,友谊常青.”这两句西方老话却正好反映在白马王子的答复里。

 

Challenge III

挑战三

“My darling, please don’t devour pretty girls with your blue eyes when you pass them on the street! You should stare only at me, your world’s only beauty!” she shouts angrily at her white knight. “Yes! My pet, you are right.  But gosh! I am dazzled! ”.  Whoops! The white knight falls into a deep trap set by the “witch”! Slap! Slap! His pet hits him in the face.

“亲爱的，在大街上遇到亮妞，请不要用你的蓝眼死盯着她们。你只能注视我这唯一的亚州美人！”她怒不可遏地对白马王子大声嚷道。“对！对极了！我的宝贝，啊，天哪！我头昏目旋!”扑通一声，白马王子掉进了女巫设下的陷井。啪啪！他的脸上被其宝贝狠狠地煽了一记响亮的耳光。

The third conflict arises.  Chinese culture is rooted in a strong notion of loyalty. The saying “Be faithful to your husband” was praised since the time of Confucius and is still present in the minds of every Chinese woman. Chinese beauties are proud of being faithful, but at the same time they usually consider their husbands as their own property for life. If their husbands are distracted by other beauties, they will be extremely indignant and aggressive. On the other hand, Western white knights don’t hesitate to admire other beauties in the daytime, even to serenade at night under their windows. Basically the different understanding of the notion of loyalty creates disharmony in the family life.

第三个冲突产生了。中国文化根植于极强的忠贞性。“从一而终”的思想从孔夫子时代就得到赞扬并且现在仍然根植于当代妇女的头脑。中国美女以自己对丈夫的忠诚而自豪, 但同时也往往把自己的心上郎君视为终身的私有财产。一旦其爱受到其他美女的诱惑，她就会怒火满腔，咄咄逼人。相反，西方白马骑士在白天会毫不犹豫地纵览天下红颜佳人，在晚上甚至会溜到她们的窗户下演唱小夜曲。东西方对忠贞概念理解程度的不同同样会导致跨国家庭生活的不和谐。

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但是叫人：“汝不可稼娶老外。”好比是在说：“你不可穿你的鞋子，它穿在你的脚上真挤我的脚。” 比喻得非常好！非常妙！