难得有机会跟母亲一起做晚饭, 母亲诺诺, 念念旧事, 说:"我对月说姨娘(指我)结婚前什么菜也不会做, 现在做的菜蛮好吃的, 逼出来的."  我回道:"做菜又不是开颅手术,没那么难吧. " 单身时从来没烧过饭菜给父母亲吃. 都是他们做给我, 还要逼我使劲撑饱. 后来离开家又有下属, 一位很忠心的女孩做饭给我吃. 记得到北京出差前, 是男友帮助烫直西裤, 帮我将所有用品折叠在箱子里码放整齐. 说起来他并不是典型体贴入微的江南人, 而是客家人, 一位有洁癖, 极聪明的电脑软件师, 衣着朴素大方却总是角角棱棱, 电脑周围毫无灰尘的. 他倒水喝总是取半杯饮, 问他为何, 回答:"倒满杯一旦喝不完, 放在那里时间长了会漂一层灰." 自从结婚后, 样样自己做, 夜夜熬着照顾小孩, 一边读大学, 只要怀有一份信念, 也甘心情愿. 问题是希望配偶能够感谢太太的贡献. 可是, 终究不如在外面赚钱养家的人那么得意.

坐下来吃饭, 我教女儿和来家作客的大学好友说中文:"谢谢外婆做饭给我们吃." 两个小朋友一起念一遍. 外婆微笑着, 然后大家动筷子. 外婆说我做成的海鱼味道不错, 青菜也保持了绿色.

饭后我说:"姆妈我给你看我上台跳舞的照片, 好吧?" 母亲好奇说好啊. 我接着哄她说:"那你弹钢琴给我听, 好不好? " 母亲正开着冰箱, 我从后侧面看到她灿灿地笑, 我就喜欢看到她发自肺腑的笑容. 母亲说:"那些老歌都忘光了. " 我说:"只要我一唱, 你就听出调子弹出来嘛."

母亲坐在琴前, 围腰也还没解掉. 我说:"怎么能戴着炒菜的围腰来弹呢?" 一边就摸摸她给揭开了结. 母亲从我唱:"送君送到大树下, 君的恩情永不忘,...."开始弹, 到来后就来个狗尾续貂, 接上了"主席的光芒照四方"那一首歌去了. 她自己还想不起来究竟岔到哪一首那里.

Raoul

No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears;
I'm here, nothing can harm you, my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom, let daylight dry your tears;
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you.

Christine
Say you'll love me ev'ry waking moment;
turn my head with talk of summertime.
Say you need me with you now and always;
promise me that all you say is true,
that's all I ask of you.

Raoul
Let me be your shelter, let me be your light;
you're safe, no one will find you, your fears are far behind you.

Christine
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night;
and you, always beside me,
to hold me and to hide me.

Raoul
Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;
let me lead you from you solitude.
Say you need me with you, here beside you,
anywhere you go, let me go too,
that's all I ask of you.

Christine
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.
Say the word and I will follow you.

Together
Share each day with me, each night, each morning.

Christine
Say you love me...

Raoul
You know I do.

Together
Love me, that's all I ask of you.

Anywhere you go let me go too

Love me...
that's all I ask of you.

华人圈子里的非洲食物链

早年出洋的中国人有意无意地看不起,或者干脆明码贬低新移民; “老屁眼”(上海话管扎下根基的早到者叫做"老屁眼")对新来的 “呆头鹅”之杀伤程度远超过美国人对中国人的损害.说起来驾驭英语的能力只不过是一种语言掌握程度, 不知何时起, 英语的好坏变成了衡量一个华人是否sophisticated  的标准. 移民超过15, 甚至 20 年的人对着我的语法错误,说拼写错误或者 “社交失误” 洋洋得意, 象我这样出国10年的再转身snob(势利)其他来美才5年的华人, 来美已经5年的又转身嘲笑刚下飞机的兜里揣了5块钱. 老移民利用新移民做为廉价老动力, 这已经是多年沿袭制了,不足为奇.  非洲的食物链大约就是这样形成的.

有得必有失

一个男人寻求缓解生理上的当前压力, 释放他的荷而蒙. 这样做往往削弱他对一个理想对象的渴求程度.这样, 当他遇到一位真正喜欢的女人的时候, courtships 就变得相对松垮, 爱得肤浅. 而且, 花柳行为, 譬如定期注射吗啡, 是一种难以克制的惯性,令人无法建立彼此之间的信任. 如此, 双方很难形成deep bound.

 性事方面的忠诚, 与其说是为了某个她而不烂交, 还不如说是为了对自己保持忠诚,也是为了保持 ‘器具’不被病毒感染, 不传播病毒.

It is a kind of amusement to observe men making lies on the top of their lies. They create their vicious circle like this: after making the 1^st lie, they’d have to create additional lies, striving to stick with the previous fictions.  They might think that they are smart enough to patch their poor logic assuming women’s kindnesses (of pretend to believe so that the man won’t feel lose face) are foolishness. I have being enjoying their "shows" while they were enjoying create em. It is a Win-Win game.

Hey, wonderful entertainments, guys, go ahead and make more for me.

Tuesday evening @9:30 pm, finished a staging performance , headed back to office.  was too busy to buy a dinner for myself, or maybe I was not in the mood for the fast food.

Today it is the first day in 10+ years to accept the color of pink. I put a peach colored pinkish sweater on my body for real. A coworker said:" It looks good on you."  A classmate said:" The color looks good on you. You know why-- Because your skin is pale." Yes. I was aware that pink looks good on me, the problem is ---- I have long time fear of pink ---I hate to look like a babyish woman.

Honestly, I like olive skinned men and women, if the skin color is from their out door sports activities. I think whoever looks healthier would appear to be sexier.  Today干活干累了.... then tonight was still jumping along with my dance classmates again. Hope that I could be sexy too.

Tomorrow, will attend a formal dinner party hosted by local government departments. After the party, I'll have to rush into Whole Foods to buy a fruity BD cake for someone. 

For this coming Sunday, I was selected to be a model for the Asian Silver Screen Festival Gala party.   

 am eating the life.